Welp, I missed Halloween this year, but guess what I didn’t miss—my shot at a 10-point mule deer! (Technically a 4×4 with brow tines, if you’re keeping score.) And that’s why they call Montana The Treasure State! (I should confess: I did miss an earlier mule deer from 600 yards away, but so does everyone, right?) Dad and I hunted with Uncle Cory every day, racking up over 250 miles on the four-wheeler—basically the same as driving to Chicago! We used intercom headsets to solve the world’s problems during our rides, and for the second year in a row, I was the unpaid Uber driver, so I made my passenger (Dad) open all the gates as a fair trade.
It was another great trip, except for that part where I left my winter gloves in Wisconsin, and Cory forgot his gun clip behind, too. You know, just the minor details. Nothing our sharing-is-caring philosophy couldn’t fix. We still made the best of it, and one of my favorite parts was the public service we provided to keep the prairie dog population in check. You’re welcome, Montana. Of course, my not-favorite part was the 30 mph sustained winds with 50 mph gusts. And I sort of regret not getting to wear a scary costume, but who needs to go trick-or-treating anyway!? Between watching the Packers win, catching the World Series, dominating at Euchre with my main man Cory, tossing the football, splashing in the creek, and eating like kings (thanks, Grandma & Grandpa!), the life of a hunter is pretty sweet!! I mean, hard. Very, very hard. It’s basically like The Oregon Trail, only we’re trying to gather pounds of meat to sustain our party instead of dodging dysentery. It’s all about survival and strategy. And apparently Cory’s strategy was to wait until the very last day to decide whether his family would eat this winter… talk about stressful!
Spoiler alert: They, too, will survive.
In the end, we’ll call it a success! Including my homework, which I finished on the drive home. (Emphasis on “in the end” because I do my best work at the very last minute.) And even though I had a blast in the Montana mountains, there really is no place like home. So, once these kings returned to their queens, I did zoomies with Artemis, I John Cena’d mom onto the bed, and I gave a heartfelt high-five to Genesee because I know those ladies missed us terribly and had absolutely no fun while we were gone.
[Pictures of the poor ladies, sitting around missing us… not having fun:]
This past weekend, I had my first experience going to Church. But this church wasn’t on Sunday morning, and there were no pews or prayers. Instead, it was big-stage, loud-music, lights-flashing, people-screaming kind of Church. It was actually Dad’s birthday present, but it kind of turned into a full-family adventure. We traveled 200 miles to see Eric Church, live from the Fiserv Forum stage, and it was epic!
But let’s back up a little bit because the fun actually started at PinSeekers, a hybrid-golf entertainment facility, where Dad and I hit golf balls like pros, and Genesee and mom kicked some grass at the soccer simulator.
Then we perused the Nike Clearance store at the Johnson Creek Outlet mall before mom gave us a tour of her old stomping grounds: the Brookfield Square Mall. Apparently, it used to be fun to hang out there? Well, just like our mall in La Crosse, this indoor shopping center now had major “ghost town” vibes. Mom felt equal parts nostalgia and depression walking through the empty mall, wondering if places like that will survive much longer. But since she also thinks we’re heading toward an apocalypse, thanks to Trump-era chaos, I assured her that zombies will probably need somewhere to shop.
After that, we went to The Melting Pot for dinner, where we enjoyed an interactive dining experience. It was the first time Genesee and I had tried fondue, and we learned that life is a whole lot better when you can dip everything in cheese or chocolate!
Finally, it was 7:00 p.m. and time for my first-ever concert! (I mean, Dad’s birthday present.) But before settling into our seats, we walked a few laps around the stadium, while the opening act played. Unfortunately, we had to watch the clock strike 9:10 p.m. before we were dazzled by the vocal chords of Eric Church, but it was totally worth the wait. Poor Genesee was tired by then, so she missed a few songs, but Mr. Church sang nonstop until 11:40 p.m., so my sleepyhead sister still caught most of the show, including Springsteen, which she didn’t want to miss.
We had so much fun! We stood almost the whole time and sang all the lyrics at the top of our lungs. Dad said it was the best concert he’s ever been to!
We lived like rock stars that day. By the time we got back to the hotel, it was past midnight, and I didn’t fall asleep until 1:00 a.m. — probably later than most actual rockstars, maybe even Eric Church himself. But our tour ended early, because we had a 7:00 a.m. wake-up call for my sister’s soccer game.
We went from concert crowds to corner kicks in less than twelve hours. But hey… juice boxes on the sidelines is a vibe, too.
It was an amazing adventure — celebrating my favorite dad with golf balls, ghost malls, cheese pots, and country rock. And moments like that stick with you. Now, everytime I hear a Church song, I will think of that day with my family. “Funny how a melody feels like a memory.”
Step 1: Have a super cool mom who is friends with the famous hypnotist Chris Jones. (She knew him back in the day when he was just a student practicing magic tricks in her office.)
Step 2: Go to his big hypnotist show at the UW-La Crosse Student Union!
Step 3: Conquer your stage fright in 10 seconds when you suddenly get invited on stage, in front of 850 audience members, just so you can score the best seat in the house. (Thanks, Chris!)
Step 4: Learn the ultimate trick: blowing magic sleep dust on college students to make them fall asleep. One puff, and boom—nap time.
Step 5: Wave to the people when they recognize you on the way out of the building, as they shout, “You’re the little brother from another mother!”
And that’s how you gain a new super power. And a fan club, apparently.
Just remember: Not all superheroes wear capes; sometimes they walk around in a camouflage hoodie and sweatpants. So pay attention and stay woke, otherwise, you, too could find yourself belting out “Pink Pony Club” at the front of a college student congo line.
Oh, I forgot…
Step 6: Practice hypnosis on your little sister—strictly for skill maintenance, of course, and not for commandeering chores, outsourcing homework, or receiving dessert deliveries. We only use our super powers for good… said no 11-year-old ever.
Welp, all good things must come to an end, and so, Genesee and I said goodbye to summer and hello to a new school year. I’m officially in 6th grade and my sister is rolling into 3rd grade like the boss we all know she is.
First came open house, where we smiled awkwardly for school pictures and scoped out our new classrooms. We also stocked up on some Mel-Min merch—because obviously school spirit requires accessories.
Then came the big day. Mom fueled us up with blueberry biscuits and bacon (10/10 breakfast of champions). We took the classic first-day pics and even let Artemis steal our spotlight for one shot. On the drive in, we blasted music and remixed the lyrics: “I Gotta Feeling…that this year’s gonna be a good year!” Pretty solid hype anthem, if you ask me.
When we pulled up, the school tried to outdo us with a party of their own: A balloon arch, a new principal, the friendly superintendent, and loud music welcoming us in. Not a bad way to start the year!
After surviving day one (and mom’s 21 questions about it), she treated us to Jersey Mike’s subs + mini boba = park picnic before soccer practice. Later, we had dinner with Dad and shared all our reflections (and predictions) for the year ahead.
So yeah… Return of the Learn is officially in session. Stay tuned for plot twists, questionable cafeteria cuisine, sibling shenanigans, playground politics, and the battle of me vs. homework.
First soccer tournament of the fall = complete! The Tribute Cup in Appleton was basically a triple feature: new teammates, new coaches, and new camping adventures at Apple Creek Campground.
Both Genesee and I played three games each, though there aren’t as many pictures of her since the professional photographer skipped her field (rude). She’s also thinking about retiring from goalie life this season, so we’ll see how that identity-crisis continues to unfold throughout the next two months.
As for me, I experienced lots of disappointment before the season even started: I am no longer number 16, Coach Aimane left Rush Soccer Club, and I was upset to be placed with my age group this year (because I’m used to playing up with the older kids). However, mom says #4 looks good on me and I think I may actually like this new team and Coach Nico! In fact, I have been named one of the team captains for the year, so I’m looking forward to developing more of my leadership skills!
Off the soccer field, we enjoyed campfire s’mores, walking Artemis around the trails, zooming on our electric scooters, swimming in the outdoor pool, and appreciating the perfect fall weather. I’m so grateful that we can turn our long soccer weekends into family camping trips. Life is good.
Big news: Dad tracked down a John Deere zero turn mower all the way in South Dakota, just so he could put me to work. Once the machine landed in Melrose, I officially became the lovely assistant to the regional lawnkeeper (aka Grandpa). It’s basically a grass-eating go-kart, so not only did I get to whip out those zero turns, I also had zero complaints!
Grandpa gave me an A+ on my first mow and I got paid… not just in cash, but also in a chocolate malt and a giant plate of nachos. BEST. PAYCHECK. EVER. I even earned the ultimate badge of honor: a farmer tan. Now, my face and arms are ready for summer, but my shoulders and thighs are still living in January. They should update the job description to include the bonus perk: FREE BUILT-IN T-SHIRT. I guess I have something to show for all of my hard work!?
Well, well, well… look who made good on his promise. If you don’t remember, here were my exact words:
[June 19, 2024] “Unfortunately, the MVP award stayed out of my hands this year, but after winning it in 2022 and 2023, I figured it was time to let someone else shine. But no more Mr. Nice Guy after this because I’ll be coming in hot next year to steal back my spotlight. And that’s not a threat; it’s a promise.”
And guess what? I delivered.
I showed up to the Jordan Kappen 2025 Basketball Camp ready to WORK. It was my 4th annual appearance and I didn’t just win the 1v1 tournament in my age group—I also took home the biggest prize of all: the KAPPENCAMP GOAT award.
Yep. Greatest Of All Time. That’s me now. No big deal. Well, it’s kind of a big deal, so I’m glad the paparazzi (aka Grandma) was courtside to catch me in action.
I earned this distinguished title by showing up, working hard, listening, and—let’s be honest—scoring on the coaches more than once. The prize? A diamond GOAT necklace, a sweet Local Hoops basketball, and a Local Hoops hat.
But don’t worry… this GOAT didn’t graze alone. Besides playing with my Mel-Min buds (Parker, Ryder, and Cullen), my favorite sidekick (Genesee) was back for her 3rd year of camp! She put in serious effort, held her own on the court, and has been leveling up every summer. If the trend continues, she’s gonna be a top prize-winner next year. I’m calling it now.
So yeah, I’m a man of my word… Spotlight reclaimed.
And just as this year’s camp t-shirt says: “The future’s so bright, we gotta put shades on.”
I’ve waited my whole life to go to a Milwaukee Bucks game. I dreamed of watching Giannis dunk from the free throw line or flex after a block, and you decide to bench him!? C’mon! Antetokounmpo is too legit to sit.
For weeks, my sister begged my parents to purchase tickets, just so she could surprise her favorite brother in the world (me) with the best birthday gift ever (which may or may not have brought literal tears to my eyes). But I guess the surprise was on us, huh? Cue tears again. (Just kidding… those tears were figurative.)
But seriously, you’re lucky that Pat Connaughton decided to go full superhero and drop a career-high 43 points. And I did appreciate that we got a little more adventure than we bargained for, when the game went into overtime. Plus, I have to admit, it was pretty adorable watching Giannis cheer from the bench with his two little kids. And sitting just 20 rows away from greatness? Breathing the same air as the Greek Freak himself? Whoa! How exciting. I mean, disappointing, because this is a complaint letter.
In the end, we were forced to witness the Bucks win, I had to endure muscle soreness from dancing so hard, and then, instead of being able to make a calm exit, I found myself skipping out the doors with a huge smile and some new Bucks merch to show for it all!
See? Regrettable. Hence, I would like a full refund.
Okay, actually, as I proof-read this letter out loud, it appears that I actually did have a blast, despite your poor decision-making. So… fine. Complaint withdrawn.
But I have a clipboard and I know how to use it. So next time I step foot in the Fiserv Forum, I respectfully request play time for my main man Giannis. Otherwise, there will be no need to fear the deer because the deer will need to fear this superfan in 3-layers of Giannis gear.
With basketball love and rage, Your almost 11-year-old NBA rising star
I miss you already. It’s only been a few days, but my hair still smells like sunscreen and my heart still feels like ocean waves. You were so warm and welcoming… you had me at Aloha. My parents warned that we might fall hard for you; they were not wrong. (And I’m not just talking about that forceful tidal wave that swept me off my feet and knocked Genesee on her face.) Still, we weren’t sure exactly what to expect because mom and dad said you’ve been burned since they first met you. I was sorry to hear that you felt devastated, and so I hope the joy I brought to your island helped you heal. But let’s go back to the beginning of our love story…
Before we arrived in your wonderland, Genesee and I convinced our parents to help us escape from school early so we could ride rollercoasters study calculus and visit Legoland explore careers in mechanical engineering, architecture, and 3-D design. Thank you, Mall of America, for your commitment to academic excellence! After that very enriching experience, we boarded our 9-hour flight, where Genesee and I scored our own row of seats and passed the time quickly without a single sibling battle. Miracles do happen.
Eventually, we arrived in Honolulu, where we had to endure a four-hour layover before finally getting to see you. It was just enough time to get acclimated to Hawaii’s 75 degree weather and grab some shredded pork nachos with a side of food poisoning. It wasn’t exactly the tropical experience I had dreamed of; we came to party, not potty. But this plot twist helped me and mom get well acquainted with your toilets, which were quite lovely.
When mom and I finally rallied, you showed our family your playful (and strict) side. Our Airbnb condo in Wailea was awesome, but your pool had way too many rules. No toys, no throwing a football, no Marco Polo. So we invented a game called “Genesee Jaeger.” It sounds just like Marco Polo and feels just like Marco Polo, but if you think you saw us playing Marco Polo, no you didn’t.
Maui – we loved everything about you, except for your prices. My parents spent $514 at your grocery store and mom said it hurt her soul. Luckily your beaches softened the sticker shock. In fact, they were all so gorgeous, we tried to visit a different beach each night to admire the sunset. We also enjoyed driving the Road to Hana, savoring shaved ice treats, meeting your wild chickens, hiking through your majestic bamboo forests, splashing in your waterfalls, and playing tag with your tidal waves.
Maui — you are so hot! Not only do I have the sunburn to prove it, but we even witnessed the haze from the volcano eruption at Kilauea’s summit, all the way over on the Big Island! You really know how to make my heart melt, and you also unlocked new levels of exhiliration… especially when you brought us face-to-face with your incredible wildlife. I was completely mesmerized watching your humpback whales perform their happy dances—leaping, twirling, and slapping their giant fins and tails against the turquoise waters. And even though our parents tried to drug us with Dramamine, my eyes were wide open and I couldn’t keep them off of you… your nature is so beautiful. It’s no wonder why whales blush when they see the ocean’s bottom!
After an epic whale-watching cruise, we set off on Alii Nui’s Turtles & Tacos snorkeling adventure. As you probably discovered by now, my sister left a little souvenir in your ocean: one of her incisor teeth! But just when we thought things couldn’t get more interesting, you surprised us with a 9-foot tiger shark encounter that cut the snorkeling tour short. Luckily, we lived to tell the tale and were brave enough for a do-over, where we submerged our faces in the waters of the Molokini islet and built a friendship with your gentle turtles instead. It was pure magic.
Oh Maui… You sure know how to make a dude’s heart race! Ziplining through your treetops had my adrenaline pumping—it was fast, fun, and just a little terrifying… kind of like falling in love with you. And as if that wasn’t enough excitement, you decided to shake things up, literally! One minute, we were eating dinner on the deck, and the next, I was experiencing my first earthquake. I was shook, but we lived to tell the tale—again. Sheesh! They say love can hurt, but why does it have to be so scary!?
Of course, as the story goes, all good things must come to an end. But Maui, I didn’t want to leave you; we just ran out of time… and money. Plus, I had to finish the fifth grade and bring back hugs to our dog who was missing us. So, on our last morning with you, I decided to stuff my sad feelings down with pancakes and fresh fruit at Kihei Caffe before taking the red-eye back to the cold Wisconsin winter.
I will never forget your final wave as we said goodbye; I hope you saw the shaka I offered, with love, in return.
Mahalo, Your biggest crush (Jaeger)
P.S. I deeply regret that the sun had to set on our incredible love story. It was one for the ages! But don’t close the book just yet… I vow to write the sequel, when I return one day to Maui you.
This year, we did something totally unexpected during Christmas break: we went on our first-ever ski trip! Mom and Dad planned it on a whim, and before I knew it, we were on our way to Lutsen Mountains in Minnesota, (a 5-hour drive north) for four nights of snowy fun. It was so last-minute that all the pet-friendly condos were already booked, so Artemis got to experience her own adventure: The inaugural slumber party at D & C’s doggy daycare. (Thanks, Grandpa & Grandma!)
Before leaving home, Dad pulled out his old ski equipment, from when he was an avid skier, that had been buried under 25 years of dust. Emphasis on “old” because as soon as he tried everything on, the foam of the googles evaporated into fairy dust, the plastic of the boots cracked, and everything fell apart. So, upon arrival, Dad begrudgingly proclaimed, “we’ll take four rentals, please!” And as my parents looked around and noticed everyone wearing helmets, which was not the trend in the late 1900s, our bobble heads exited the rental facility with protected brains as well.
I’m so glad we decided to be spontaneous because this was the most epic trip ever! The weather was perfect and the Lake Superior backdrop made for breathtaking scenery. Genesee and I received beginner ski lessons the first morning, taught by George and Tim, and let me tell you, it was game over after that. We were hooked!
The chair lift was one of my favorite parts. It’s this awesome combination of peaceful and exciting, like floating above the world while you get ready to zoom down the slopes again. It was also neat to see how determined and fearless Genesee was to conquer any of the runs. (And how, upon completion, she’d immediately report her success to our ski instructors.) Another highlight was the super cool gondola ride… almost like being in a snow globe as it glided over the trees.
Speaking of gliding, Mom stuck to the green runs. She kept looking for the turtle hill, but it was nowhere to be found, so she became good friends with the Big Bunny hill…. mostly because her pulled hamstring and wobbly knees weren’t exactly up for the challenge of anything more. But also because her “worst-case-scenario brain” is always a spoiler of risky fun. Luckily, Dad isn’t as boring and safety-first as our mother is. So, by day 3, we ditched mom in search of steeper slopes and faster speeds.
Each day, after putting in about 5 hours of skiing, we’d head back to the Caribou Highlands Lodge to swim and soak in the hot tub. It was the best way to unwind after a full day of shredding (or cautiously zigzagging, in Mom’s case). In the evenings, we played card games, napped, ate spaghetti and chicken soft tacos (prepared by Chef Dad), and just enjoyed being together. On our last evening, Dad built a fire, mom poured sparkling grape juice into our makeshift wine glasses, and then we toasted to the new year as the ball dropped in New York City.
It was the most fun way to end the year and I’ve already decided that this should be an annual tradition. In fact, by the time the trip was over, Genesee and I declared skiing as our new favorite sport (outside of basketball, of course). It’s the next best thing to having wings, they say. So, next time you are near the mountains, look for us and watch us fly!
He moves like Jaeger 